America’s Eulogy

Doctor pictureWhile I am by no means willing to give up on America! While “doctors” like me known as patriots continue to fight for the life of this nation, while we continue to try to infuse her with life saving blood known as sacrifice and liberty, while we search our “medical books” known as the Constitution and Declaration of Independence, there is still a chance she may die. There is a chance Lady Liberty won’t live to see another generation raised under her guiding light. So as a “doctor” I have to make that long, pitiful, sorrowful walk down to the waiting room, where the “family” known as Americans,  is waiting and tell them, “She might not make it people. You might want to get her affairs in order.”  Should America die this would be my eulogy.

America was actually born July 2, 1776 in Philadelphia, Pennyslyvania. Constitution imagesShe had many a father-George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin and many a mother too-Betsy Ross, Susan B. Anthony, Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman. Each of them helping to form her in younger years.  She came into this world, a bloody mess, others laying down their lives so she could live.  She was so highly prized that another “mother”- England- who is commonly known as the motherland, tried to keep her for herself.  However, England lost and had to relinquish custody of her beloved America.

Man_throwing_moneyAmerica grew up and became prosperous in her life.  People adored her. She accomplished much in the name of science, arts, industry and education. Her children known simply as Americans were the smartest, the wealthiest, the most productive and the most God fearing people on the planet.  One of her sons gave us the Bill of Rights-his name was Patrick Henry. One of her daughters would become an astronaut, her name is Mae Jamison. She bled and cried out for the freedom of her Black children and she won that! She believed what Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence that all men are created equal.  She was unrelenting, she wouldn’t give up until all her children were free.

LiberalsYet the more children she had, the more prosperous they became, the more they forgot their mother.  Then one day, it happened-a great evil befell her.  Liberalism invaded her body. Liberalism is insidious, it gets into the blood of its host and destroys it from the inside out. America didn’t even know how it caught this bug.  Liberalism used America’s love for freedom, truth and justice and corrupted it. Her courts refused to rule by constitutional standards and began politicizing all its decisions. Her Congress once of great moral fiber, began to deteriorate and become incompetent and corrupt.  Her Presidents who would never think of breaching the Constitution would do so before breakfast most days.

medicationsShe tried to fight off the liberalism, but they were strong and were not letting go. Even when given medicine-conservatism-it never lasted long enough to make a difference. Liberalism kept coming back.  It overtook her until every value she held was smashed. They all but eliminated religious liberty,  leaving  just enough churches open to make it seem like we had religious liberty when the truth is, it got muzzled by LBJ. Free speech turned into hate speech and every constitutional protection was whittled away. She watched in horror as her children fought for the right to kill her other children.  It was called abortion though in truth its name is genocide. She became anguished as perverse sexual practices were revered. She felt hopeless as she saw marriage being torn apart.  What was happening? She became confused and pretty soon she didn’t recognize herself at all.  Then on November 4, 2008 she was hit hard. The liberals had secured the Presidency and both Houses.  Even the courts were becoming more liberal.  With the election of Obama, Pelosi leading the House and Sotomayor being confirmed to the Court, the liberals had a tight stranglehold on her.  Though she was able to raise her level of conservatism, it was too late-she was dead.  America though once rich, would leave behind a trillion dollar deficit, illiteracy, government waste and the continued oppression of her people through “government aid” otherwise known as socialism.  She was a great lady, may she rest in peace.

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Jeane Robertson’s Comedy

In recent years most comedy has been vulgar and demeaning. No matter if it was a man or a woman, you could be certain to hear the most vile and crass things ever uttered out of the mouths of a comedians.  As a stand up comedian myself, I have often wanted to do my comedy in a place where “clean” comics worked. No such luck. Through the years we have occasionally gotten a Bill Cosby, a Steve Martin and my favorite a Jeff Cesario (he was big on Comic Strip Live back in the day-see if you can find any of his clips, he is a riot!) but such talents were few and far between. Enter Jeane Robertson.  Jeane Robertson is a breath of fresh air. She is not a twenty something, cheerleader/airhead whose only life experience is being a rock n roll groupie. She is a classy, elegant woman and wife who speaks to her audience with respect. We need mor Jeane Robertsons.

My Questions for B.O.

Larry Elder recently wrote a commentary in which he asked B.O. seven pertinent questions.  They were quite good and thought provoking questions.  But I would like to go Barbara Walters here for a minute and ask him some questions that are not quite as high brow but are still on my mind. So here they are:

1) B.O, do you suffer from some form of mental retardation that we are not aware of? Considering your appointments have all come under serious scrutiny and one just up and withdrew his nomination (Judd Gregg) before confirmation, it makes me doubt your capability to discern who will actually help this country.

2) Did you ever do any research in order to get your law degree.  No seriously dude, I am wondering because if you can research why haven’t you researched any of your nominees before putting their name in? If you don’t know how to research I will be happy to show you, it is really not that hard.

3) Why do you hate babies? I mean you go around voting four times to snuff their lives out if they survive a botched abortion. Even NARAL had no problems with the Born Alive Infant Protection Act, you on the other hand did. What is your problem? I mean when NARAL is the voice of reason, something is wrong somewhere. Why can’t you stand babies-it is really kind of creepy dude.

4)  Why do you keep lying about where you were born? We all know you were born in Kenya! Hawaii-ha! Seriously dude, when are you going to pony up a real birth certificate?

5) 787 billion dollars for stimulus? Are you kidding me? And where is this money going to come from exactly?  You so remind me of Satan when he offered Jesus the world if he would just follow him.  Never mind Jesus actually MADE the world! How is he going to give Jesus what is already his?! That never made sense to me and neither does taking people’s money and then tell them you are going to give it back to them, like you really gave them something! It was already theirs anyway!  But in the meantime they are left with an out of control deficit and spend crazy President. You really think this stimulus thing is going to score you points? What have you been smoking?

And my last question would be: 6) Why are you such a terrorist loving commie? Do you really think shutting down Gitmo, speaking on Arab television and trying to make friends with jihadists is going to make us safer? Or are you just trying to get us killed? Because if you want to blow yourself to kingdom come be my guest, just don’t take me with you!

And those would be my questions. What would yours be?