1) Have you ever seen an anorexic Mormon? No, it just does not happen. We eat at every possible opportunity. We eat at baptisms, firesides and the 101 activities we simply devise just so we can chow down together. Though we love all food, we really love casserole and jello. In fact, the bishopric is immediately notified should there not be casserole and jello on hand at any church sponsored event, He then gets on the phone to Utah, talks to the Prophet, its a whole thing. People get ex-communicated. Rule number one of being a Mormon-thou must always serve casserole and jello at all functions. [P.S. Last night the singles sponsored a karoake/movie night do you know what people complained about? Not enough food? Do you know what we forgot to bring-casserole and jello! Mostly because we thought the other people would. Oh yeah, was not a pretty sight]
2) It is a lay church. Which means my tithing money is not going to buy a Benz for the pastor of my church. No one gets paid and everyone helps out. Because no money changes hands it makes everyone’s service that much more valuable. Because you know people are doing it because they want to and not because they are being paid.
3) We’re the original feminist. Joseph organized Relief Society with his wife Emma Smith as its first President back in 1842 on March 17th. Since then we have become not only the largest women’s organization in the world but the oldest. Before there was NOW (or as I like to call them the Nearly Obsolete Women or Naturally Obnoxious Women) there was Relief Society. As part of the fastest growing church, we are part of the fastest growing women’s organization.
4) They don’t convert dumb people. If you look at our church, especially in my ward, the men are mostly lawyers, the women mostly teachers. Education is highly valued in the church, for both men and women. We don’t see education as something someone should do to make a buck but to enrich their lives and further their knowledge. The church expects both men and women to read the scriptures, learn the Gospel and the history of the church. They expect you to teach classes, give talks, things you can’t do if you a moron.
5) Because I don’t have to explain why I don’t drink anymore. Even before the church, I didn’t drink due to my epilepsy. You would be surprised how many people have not heard of epilepsy. So then there was a ten minute discussion about the finer point of seizures. Now, I simply say because I’m Mormon and end of discussion. They may not what epilepsy is but they know what a Mormon is.
6) Because with all the hatred towards Mormons today, it makes it real easy to know who my friends are. It also makes it easier to identify the clearly certifiably insane people as well. All I have to say is three little words, “I’m a Mormon” and watch the insanity fly! It is also kind of fun to watch other Christians get worked up because I don’t think God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost are all meshed together as one. Hello, I thought we were talking about deities here, not thousand island dressing!
7) Lastly, I love being Mormon because they are some of the best people I have ever met in my life. They are loyal, generous, loving, supportive, courageous, and generally good-hearted people. I consider myself lucky that I can count myself among these valiant servants. They are a true representation of the love of Christ. But mostly it is that casserole and jello thing.