Okay so here it is close to Valentine’s Day and I have moved on to heartbreak number four. If you read my article entitled “Love Mormon Style” I tell you about my three Mormon heartbreaks and how I was working on heartbreak number four. Well four happened this past week. I got a couple of emails that basically said he was interested in being friends with me at church but not outside of it. So I told him that I needed space and not to approach me when he sees me, I will approach him when I am ready. So it ended.
Sort of regretting that now. But it is too late to take it back. So I have to live with it. He said he didn’t see why we couldn’t be friends at church and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be around him and not feel something for him. I couldn’t talk to him without wanting a deeper connection. I couldn’t look at him and not see the perfect guy. Oh I saw his faults and in some cases since they so closely matched mine they were almost an asset or at least less of a liability.
He said he had been avoiding my invitations and that hurt pretty deep. On some level I guess I knew he was but I didn’t want to admit that was the case, I kept making excuses. “Oh he is busy.” “Oh he has to go out of town.” Anything to keep from thinking it was me. When I found out it was, I was floored. How could I trust anything he said now? How could I trust he really wanted to be friends at all, if he had been avoiding me prior? Love-why is it so hard?
Why can’t it be as simple as that George Strait song when one simply checks yes or no? No, never mind, all my boxes at this point would say no. Maybe my true love is waiting for me in the life hereafter because I am sure not finding him down here.