So we are sending 2.6 million to China for their drunk hookers along with a Mormon missionary! LOL. I hope he has more of a positive effect on them than vice versa. I know he will probably will have nothing to do with the Alcoholic Hooker Study (AHS) but can you just picture it.
Obama: So John, we want you to go to China and be an ambassador over there. And part of your duties will be to check in periodically on the AHS study.
John: AHS, Mr President?
Obama: Yeah, we are studying Alcoholic Hookers in order to alleviate or reduce HIV, it is a bunch of crap really but hey who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? So you periodically check in on the hookers make sure they are not drinking too much and report back.
John: Too much sir? I don’t drink at all. You know that whole Mormon, word of wisdom thing, so how much is too much, Mr. President?
Obama: I am sure you can figure it out, John. (Obama chuckles) I was just thinking I am sending a John to check on other johns. Anyway, let me know what is going on.
Three months later:
All the hookers are reading the Book of Mormon and discussing the First Vision. And instead of selling themselves they sell tuna casseroles and homemade scrap books to support themselves. They no longer drink, not even tea which was tantamount to Chinese blasphemy. They dress modestly and do their visiting teaching religiously.
Obama comes for a visit, ready to party! “Okay so where are the hookers…..I got a bottle of Jack Daniels all ready to go! Michelle, get me a cigarette! I am going to need one after this!”
“Who are you?” the former hooker asks
“I’m Obama, I’m the President of the United States, we sent 2.6 million over here to help you drink responsibly on the job.” he explains.
“Oh you evil man! We don’t like you! John, nice man. He free us from alcoholism and prostitution. We nice girls now. You bad man….very bad man. ”
“Okay, we just spent 2.6 million dollars and none of you still drink or sell yourselves? Where is that stupid Li character, heads are going to roll tonight! I came all this way to help “participate in the study” and this is what I get? John, get over here!” John walks over to the President and without saying a word stands before him. ” Did I ask you to convert them? You see this is why people don’t like you Mormons always impose your values on people. So instead of drunk hookers, I now got……what?”
“Relief Society sisters.” John replies.
“Yeah, well I was looking to have some of my own relief from these sisters, thanks a lot!” Obama storms out.
Now there is another possible scenario.
Three months later-
John is swinging from the chandeliers, throwing back some cheap wine and on his cell phone to the White House is telling Obama. “Study is going great! Don’t think I am ever going back home to Utah!”