I have been invited to go to the RNC and I would love to go but it would mean paying my own way. So I am trying to raise some funds so I can head to Ohio and cause some mischief. These are the following reasons I should go:
- Because I am Black and we all know Blacks should get everything they want. If they don’t it means you are racist and your kin were slavemasters. And let’s face it how many Black Republicans are there, like five? I and my other four Black Republicans will be the toast of the town, well as long there are no other minorities in attendance, otherwise, we will just have to hang out with each other singing Smokey Robinson songs and talking about the good ol’ days when our men pulled up their pants.
2. It will give me a chance to talk to the people in power and tell them your concerns… and mine. Okay, let’s be honestly probably mostly mine but I won’t completely forget you. You give me some good questions and I will try to make sure they get asked. However if your question is, “Why you are such a scumbag, Senator Ryan?” Probably not going to ask that. Also, if it takes me ten minutes to ask your question, probably not going to get asked. But this is your chance to have someone speak for you!
3. Because I live in California and living here is like living in the La Brea Tar Pits, the more you try to remove yourself from the muck, the more it pulls you back in. Even if it is just for a day I would like to see how the normal folk live. It would be nice to eat a hamburger without being given the stink eye by some tofu-loving vegan. I mean I am not asking for much, just a day away from Jerry Brown, Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer, etc, is that really asking for all that much? Help save a constitutional conservative’s sanity, send her to Ohio.
4. Because we are constitutionalists/conservatives and we support each other. Oh, liberals think they are so generous, but they have nothing on us! When we give, we give from our hearts. We give because we believe in a person’s cause! We give because we know it is the right thing to do! And the Right always does the RIGHT thing, that is why we are called the Right!
5. You always wanted to sponsor one of those African kids but thought it was too expensive. Well think of me as your “African kid” except this is a one time deal. You don’t have to pay monthly fees. I won’t send pictures of my village and won’t make you feel guilty about that iPhone you have and grass hut I have. Nope, no sad depressing pictures of and my bloated body as I die from starvation. Instead, you get to send me to Ohio, to talk about our first world problems with our first world leaders. Isn’t that much better? Not only that but I am not asking for 30 bucks a month, I am asking for a one-time donation of five dollars….or more (no one will stop you from sending 10, 20 or if you want to that 30 dollars!) that will help send your mouthpiece to Ohio!
So for all these reasons you should send me to Ohio, why wouldn’t you? Here is how to do it, go to this site and donate: https://www.gofundme.com/SendmetoRNC