Top Ten Reasons to be a Black Conservative


Dena Leichnitz

Being a Black conservative is not always easy, you have ignorant Black people calling you a sell-out and ignorant White people calling you a lazy liberal the first time they disagree with you. However, overall 99.9 percent of the conservative crowd is kind, loving and generous and that is what makes it worth it. So it decided it is time people look at the upside of being a Black conservative and give you ten reasons why you should be one too. (Well, you should if you are Black and I don’t mean Rachel Dolezal “Black” either.”)

  1. Should the next “Revolution” pop off you are on the side of  with all the guns. Say what you want about the NRA and their members, all I know is if America engages in another civil war, I will be safe! While every liberal is trying to figure out if they kill that thug with a paring knife!
  2. I am able to slip into “Ebonics” mode whenever someone pisses me off. Sure I go around pronouncing my g’s and listening to people like Def Leppard and Toby Keith but get me angry and I can start spewing all that Ebonic slang in a heartbeat and since I am Black, it doesn’t look too ridiculous or like I am “trying to be Black” because we all know that’s how we roll.
  3. I am not on Jesus’ hit list. Since I am not out there selling drugs, prostituting or defending evil like Black Lives Matter does an a daily basis, I am in good with the Big Guy. Sure, I got plenty to repent for, but I KNOW I have plenty to repent for and I don’t spend my time justifying breaking into people’s houses and businesses. Also, conservatives didn’t boo God on TV. Yeah, because we have not done enough to tick off the Supreme Ruler of the Universe let’s boo him so the whole planet can see! Yeah, smart people.
  4. Because conservative people are more attractive.

    And who doesn’t want to be surrounded by beautiful people right? I mean come on, if you had to pick between Hilary and Mia Love what red blooded man is picking Hilary, Bill didn’t even pick Hilary! Heck, even our lesbians look better. 

    Rosie O’Donnell couldn’t hold a candle to Tammy Bruce any day of the week! Yep, we are definitely the most attractive bunch. And should I ever start to date again I get to choose from the world’s hottest guys-Woo hoo!!!

  5. Because as long as I am conservative I will always be Right! I could be 100% absolutely, without a doubt wrong, but then I remember, “Oh wait a minute, I am not a leftist so therefore  I am not wrong, because I belong to the Right! Whew that was a close one!” And then my world goes back to normal. It is wonderful always being Right. and being I am a woman on top of that, I will never be proved wrong!
  6. Conservatives make all the money so should I ever need a loan I might actually get it. Man_throwing_moneyNot that I go around looking for loans, but it is good to know where you can go if the need arises. Like your Netflix is about to run out and you need 12 bucks and payday is  a week away.
  7. Male conservatives pull up their pants. Unless they are plumbers then by law you have to see their crack again. Personally I think all gangbangers should have to become plumbers if they want to sag their pants. Plumbers and gangbangers of the world unite!
  8. Conservatives eat food, so you don’t have to pretend you like all that so called food with vegetables you have never heard of and names you cannot pronounce. Meat, potatoes, that is food. If you need a year of French to pronounce it, it is not food. It is pretentious slop. Oh yes, feed me snails, I much prefer that over a double bacon cheeseburger!
  9. football fansConservatives have more fun! And they won’t tell you how to have fun. Unless fun for you is killing unborn children or selling meth, then there might be some issues, but otherwise we leave you alone! We won’t tell you Oreo cookies will kill you if you don’t stop eating them. Got milk? Good. We won’t arrest you if it is raw! So sit back, watch a football game, eat some Doritos, drink a beer (or a Sprite if you are Mormon) and just enjoy yourself. We won’t screw it up!
  10. And finally,  you should be a conservative because we are not psychos. Oh we may have our occassional fruitbar, but liberals seem to have some kind of monopoly on it. Let’s pretend delusional people like Bruce Jenner are real women! Let’s allow grown men to go into women’s restrooms! Oh we are Swedish and we are morons-we want to legalize necrophilia and incest! Yes, conservatives still have our sanity! That is you too should be a Black conservative.

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