Satire/Humor

Things I am Grateful For

With Thanksgiving around the corner I decided to do a list of things I am grateful for.

turkey_thanksgiving

1) I am grateful that the hottest men on the planet all belong to the Mormon church. So no matter who I marry, he is going to be a hottie.

2) I am grateful for my son Adonai because I have someone to turn the television when I don’t feel like getting up and I get to say it is part of teaching him to be responsible and independent.

3) I am grateful to live in America, where else could an anti-American, terrorist loving commie be elected President?

4) I am grateful for the Magic Johnson Theatres because though their prices are outrageous and their small popcorn only gives you four kernels of corn, I never have to wait in line to use the restroom. There is like a 100 of those bad boys! Hey corporate America-take note-give the women more than 1 restroom! Thank you!magic-johnson-theatres

5) I am grateful that I am not living in Iraq because with the signing of troop withdrawal and their departure soon, it wouldn’t be long until terrorists were back in control. (Hey Obama! Way to go, destroy two countries for the price of one!)

6) I am grateful that I lost seven pounds though let’s face it, I might as well lost seven ounces. Though considering I look at chocolate and gain ten pounds, it is not so bad. At least the scale is going down and not up.

7) I am grateful for KDOC, the only channel in Los Angeles, that isn’t doesn’t make me blush every time I watch it.

8. I am grateful that I have the best friends in the world and some of the dumbest enemies.

9) I am grateful for global warming. Makes things nice and toasty. Stocking up on those incandescent light bulbs baby, because I am not paying 10 dollars a pop for toxic light bulbs!

10) I am grateful that Obama’s face is going to be on a coin because now I can run over “Obama” with a car and not go to jail.

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2 thoughts on “Things I am Grateful For

  1. Thanks Candace and tell your friends thanks to for referring me to you. I am glad you enjoyed my list. And in regards to number four-the women’s restrooms-you will never believe what I saw today-men standing in line for the restroom, when has that ever happened in the history of mankind? Personally, I am taking as a sign of the impending second coming.

    I hope you will come back and I hope you will now tell some more of your friends about my site. Take care and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

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